It’s been weeks since I last opened my heart for another seed to be planted, for emotions to be felt. My breath is constricted, like the time escapes for a minute. My eyes are filled with tears, like grey clouds filled with rain drops waiting to water the seeds to grow. My hands longing for the touch of the fingertips 434 days ago.
My mind is spinning back to all the memories I have from travelling the world – The late nights up in a new city and a new person in an old car staring at the stars. The early mornings with the ocean, on the surf board, falling off, getting up, and falling off again. The fresh look and the light smell of a nourished plant on a rainy day in Hawaii. The 4am’s hiking mountains to see the sky turn from black, to orange, to pink, to magic. Seeing the sunrise over the many tents with tiny, tiny people in them on a festival I didn’t even plan to go to. The feeling of sand in-between my feet on a remote Island in Fiji. The bare feet and the blond hair in the young body, dancing in front of the overwhelming view of snowy mountains in Peru. The smiles and the laughter, the strangers who became family, the loves who became strangers, the overwhelming calmness that made me fall asleep. The present moment slipped through my fingers.
I can’t help myself. I really can’t. Either my mind is haunting me, or I am haunting my mind. I guess my heart is spring cleaning.
My heart is spring cleaning. Yes, it’s spring cleaning for the new. This is a process I have to go through. I am love and the world is love, and I am here to find out where we connect.
I left my whole heart in the world’s hands, in the mystery of the universe. This is love. It is all love. Every emotion, every brain cell, every seed, every smile, every sunflower. To every human, to every experience, every up & down that changed my life over the course of this past year, thank you. You have shown me what unconditional love is, in it’s purest form. I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for you. I am overflowing.
Overflowing of more love, creativeness, and memories than any princess castle could fill. Being overflowed makes me chase my dreams, goals, and aspirations, and bury every piece of anxiety, fear, and hopelessness in the backyard of my soul. May we all connect again in this journey of life. I am love and the world is love, and I am here to find out where we connect.
